9 Ways to Make a Grand Junctionite’s Blood Boil
As small cities go, Grand Junction is pretty laid-back. There's not much anyone can say about the area that ruffles a local's feathers. But when you do, look out.
If you're intent on pissing off a Grand Junction resident, or as I highly suggest, avoiding it, here are nine things people from Grand Junction really get upset about.
Call it Junktown
At one time, there was some truth to the statement as there were junkyards along the Colorado River on both sides of 5th Street.
The junkyards are long gone and have been replaced with a riverfront trail system, the Western Colorado Botanical Gardens, the early stages of Las Colonias Park, and a whole lot more that's anything but junk.
Say Anything is Better on the Front Range
While there is some truth to that, people live in Grand Junction because there are millions of things that are far better here than on the front range.
Saying this to a local is an open invitation to be asked to move to the Front Range along with an offer to help load the moving truck to get you out of town as quickly as possible.
To true Grand Junction residents, the front range is a nice place to visit not live.
Claim the Surrounding Mountains Spoil the View
When it comes to insults, this one is especially bad. Residents are passionate about the 360-degree view of the mountains that surround the area.
There are amazing differences between the Book Cliffs, Grand Mesa, Colorado National Monument and the Uncompahgre Plateau which makes being surrounded by them enviable.
By the way, if you make a statement like this, all kinds of things are likely to happen, including finding yourself stranded along the Colorado-Kansas state line. How's that for a view?
Call a Nearby Lake a Pond
Yes, we know there are lakes in other parts of the US that make those around Grand Junction seem like ponds.
However, if it's defined as a lake in Western Colorado, it's a lake.
This is an argument you'll never win because a Grand Junction resident will pull up a map on their smartphone and prove all those bodies of water are officially lakes.
Say We're Practically Utah
That statement is geographically correct and at the same time an inappropriate statement to make to someone from Grand Junction.
We are not, nor ever will be, Utah and saying this will get a Grand Junction resident to literally draw a line in the dirt and give you more than an earful of the differences.
Grand Junction is in Colorado and the residents are proud Coloradans. Nothing against Utah, a lot of residents go there to relax and recreate as visitors just like everyone else from other places.
Make Fun of the Money Spent on Outdoor Gear
Anyone who says this obviously knows nothing about living in Grand Junction. Outdoor activities are a large part of many residents' lifestyle.
Different activities require different equipment so there's that expense. Add the extreme and/or frequent use of the gear and the money spent on high quality and often expensive gear is worth it.
Grand Junction residents will tell you they learned that lesson the hard way. If you insist on going for the cheap, don't come crying when the gear fails at the worst possible moment.
Claim There's Nothing to Do and The City is Boring
Newbies may get a pass on this the first time because they haven't been shown just how much there is to do. After that, there's no reason and no excuse.
In addition to Grand Junction's great scenery and outdoor activities there's art, culture, entertainment, history and so much more.
If you're bored because you think there's nothing to do, then you've been too lazy to look and deserve the boredom you get.
Complain How Bad the Traffic Is
Grand Junction residents find the driving habits of some people annoying, but to complain how congested traffic is proves you know nothing about the city.
The average commute to just about anywhere in town is 15 to 20 minutes give or take a few. Compare that to a drive on I-25 in Denver and you'll never complain about Grand Junction traffic again.
Plus, Grand Junction is full of alternate ways to get most places and savvy drivers know how to use these to their advantage.
Deny the Existence of the Grand Valley Curse
The curse is a very touchy subject with people in Grand Junction. There are slightly different explanations of the curse, but don't ever doubt its existence.
To an outsider, the curse appears to be nothing but a local legend or superstition. However, there are more than enough examples to validate the existence of the curse.
If you're still not convinced, keep your mouth shut. There's another lesser-known curse bestowed on those who openly disbelieve.