My First and Last Holiday Fruitcake Was Disgusting
For years I have hated fruitcake, and now that I've had my first and last holiday fruitcake I can fully understand why.
I have always thought that fruitcake was disgusting, but that assessment was based up everything except for how it actually tastes and feels inside my mouth. But, now, I can make a valid assessment because this Christmas, particles of fruitcake actually touched and entered my lips.
For starters, fruitcake is a clear violation of Zane's Rules of Food, which state that fruit should never be combined with anything cookie or cake related. The conflicting texture of the fruit and the cake make fruitcake highly undesirable.
Secondly, one look at the label of this particular brand of fruitcake illustrated that I would have been just as well off downing a quart of Pennzoil 10W-30. If fruitcake doesn't kill you, I don't know what will. With over 400 calories per serving, 44 grams of sugar, and 71 grams of carbs, this fruitcake should be labeled with a skull and crossbones.
But, I had to give it a legitimate try. I had to know. And so, on one fateful morning, I took not one, but two bites from a store-bought fruitcake.
I have to say, it was one of the most vile and disgusting things I have ever encountered in my life - which explains why this was not only my first, but my last fruitcake as well. I can't even begin to describe the turmoil that was happening inside my mouth at that dreadful moment.
I passed the fruitcake around the station in the spirit of the season, sharing the "goodness" with co-workers. Their reaction was the same as mine, pure disgust. In fact, two of my colleagues had to spit out the fruitcake. That is how utterly disgusting it was. Jared, the engineer, is a self-described fruitcake eater, but, even Jared believed this particular fruitcake belonged on the Grinch's garbage pile.
No, I did not enjoy my fruitcake experience, but I have no regrets. At least I gave it an honest try and perhaps it will give me courage in the future to try and explore other strange and perceptibly deplorable foods. This was indeed a special Christmas - my first and last fruitcake ever.
BONUS VIDEO: Best of Grand Junction Christmas Lights