Five Grand Junction Break-Up Meals (Humor)
Here it is, almost Valentine's Day and many are wondering how to win the love of their life. But what about those who want to break up?
As the song said "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do", but is it really? For some people it is, and they have to find ways to break up without causing a scene. Well we here in Western Colorado do things a little differently, so check out these five dishes that are sure to silence all wedding bells!
Overcooked Steak with Faux Mashed Potatoes
We love to grill, don't we? And who can resist a nice steak grilled to perfection? No one, which is why we overcook it. Head to the Safeway on Horizon Drive, get a nice cut of meat and ruin it. Then get some cauliflower, mash 'em up and make em look like mashed potatoes. Not one thing about this meal says, He/She loves me, does it?
Potted Meat with Lima Beans and Ramen Noodles
Can you feel the love? No, I didn't think so. What else could say "I don't care" more than some potted meat? And not even on a sandwich. Just spoon it out of the can and plop it on the plate with some Lima beans and Ramen and there you have it. This is easy, isn't it?
Olathe Sweet Corn and Macaroni and Cheese
Break out the Olathe sweet corn, but don't cook it too well. Or better yet, overcook it. Then make it worse by tossing the whole thing in with the mac and cheese and serve cold. And make sure the mac and cheese is as generic as possible. Maybe overcook the noodles, too.
PB&J on Homestyle Bread with Cold Soup
Nothing else needs to be said. Head to Homestyle Bakery and get a nice fresh loaf or two, keep the good slices for yourself but you have to make sure you leave a few slices out for a day or so. Slap some cold soup in a bowl, toss it on the table and say "here". Yeah, tried and true method right there.
Chicken Liver Meatloaf
Yes. This one. I know I don't have to ask, but I will. What do you think about this one? As much as you love chicken liver, just imagine how much you'll rave about chicken liver meatloaf! Yeah, not at all. This has to be the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. And yes, it was a break up meal. And the only place I have ever had it, or heard about it, was right here in Grand Junction. I was going to put up a recipe for it, but who wants to cook it with a recipe? Points if you can trace it back to Mike the Headless Chicken.
If they still love you after this, then all I can say is good luck!