10 People You’ll Meet At A Super Bowl Party
The Super Bowl is easily the greatest sporting and TV event all year.For one thing, it’s a great excuse to blow your diet and not feel guilty. I’ve lost 10 pounds in the new year and I expect to gain 3 or 4 back this weekend. Oh, well. The other cool thing about the big game for a lot of fans is the chance to have a party.
While Super Bowl parties with tons of people can be fun, they can also be a real bummer. That’s one reason why I’m opting this year to have a simple two-person party at home with my wife. If you are hosting a party of attending someone else’s, or you have a ticket to the Big Game Bash at Mesa Theater, I would extend a word of caution. Prepare yourself for these 10 people you’ll meet at the Super Bowl party- and try not to be one.
For all food fans out there, Super Bowl parties are the ultimate feasting opportunities. While it might ere on the side of extreme, it’s all flippin’ delicious. Unfortunately, there’s always that one party attendee who hoards the calzones and nachos and everything in between. He or she claims territory by the cold cut stadium early in the day, not moving unless it’s an emergency, AKA someone put out the 7-layer dip a few steps away.
THE CRYING DUDE
Football is close to many guys’ hearts, and it’s safe to say some are in a legit relationship with the sport. When the Super Bowl rolls around, things can get pretty emotional for these fans. We’re not talking about getting really excited when a team scored a touchdown or any of that stuff. The Cryer gets really, really emotional about everything. His team is winning? A tear might be shed. His team is losing by a boatload? He punches the wall. You’re out of spinach dip? Here come the waterworks.
The big game brings out the extreme sides of fans. This is particularly true with the fight-picker. See, Mr. Beef-Seeker is usually that calm and collected dude who keeps his emotions in check when watching football. But once the Super Bowl comes along, he does a complete 180, opting to pick fights with just about everyone. “You like the same team? BOOM–I don’t like you.” “You’re offering me a deliciously tasty calzone? Get away from me you kind party goer!”
It’s safe to assume most people are aware of who’s in the Super Bowl once Sunday rolls around. Except, there’s always that one person who has no clue what’s going on. All she knows is that a party’s happening, there’s tons of food and some sort of game is on TV. Hockey? Golf? Extreme fencing? It doesn’t matter to oblivious attendee; she’s just there to celebrate… something.
The Super Bowl is that one game per year where it’s completely and totally acceptable to be a nutcase about football. Body paint, crazy wigs, you name it– it’s fair game. The thing is, the overzealous fan takes things to a whole new level of insanity. We’re talking about screaming ’til his face turns blue and being Guy Fieri sort of psyched about ev-ry-THING. Chill out football dude, it’s only a game. (Never, ever say that to him.)
It doesn’t matter what kind of party is going on, the socializer is going to be there. The thing is, Super Bowl parties aren’t exactly fit for chit chatting over a glass of wine or gossiping while nibbling on mini pigs in a blanket. It’s all about the game and the food. But mostly the game. The socializer finds this particularly difficult, because all she wants to do is hang around and talk. The biggest play of the entire game is about to happen, and she’s asking the emotionally involved dude if he heard about Taylor Swift’s latest breakup. Wrong venue socializer, wrong venue. Keep in mind, there are actually a lot of women that want to watch the game rather than chit chat with you.
THE KNOW-IT-ALL STATISTICIAN
Even though we’re just there to watch the game and hang out with friends, there’s always one football uber-nerd who thinks we want to know that The Steelers hold the record for most Super Bowl wins or that the coaches of The Ravens and the 49ers are brothers. Uh huh, great. We’re going to go stuff ourselves with nachos and watch the burly men run around with the ball now.
All that partying and eating and cheering during the game can be pretty exhausting, which is why it’s totally understandable people can get a bit sleepy. Except, the mid-game snoozer decides to take a cat nap right when things are getting exciting. He’s usually on the couch snoring away, despite the extreme screamer a mere foot away from his eardrum. It’s pretty impressive, actually.
A decent amount of Super Bowl party goers attend for one reason and one reason only– the commercials. They’re like, the most awesome commercials of the year after all! This person usually comes in the form of the reluctant girlfriend of an overzealous boyfriend, and the only thing that can get her excited is seeing the latest Pepsi ad. Good luck in that relationship, y’all! Yes, the commercials are part of the game, so don’t be switching the channel during commercials to check out what’s happening in international rugby.
HALFTIME SHOW SINGER
The halftime show is one of the best parts about the entire Super Bowl-watching experience. Will Beyonce reunite with Destiny’s Child this year? How will Alicia Keys belt out ‘The National Anthem?!’ We haven’t the slightest clue, but one thing we do know is that someone at the party will, in fact, try to sing along to every single song. It’s embarrassing, awkward and confusing. No one except said singer knows what to do, so off to join the food monger they go.